The Sweet Fragrance

“The gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind: to make brand-new creation. Not to make people with better morals but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers, men and women who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of the Spirit that burns within, who would live in ever greater fidelity to the omnipresent Word of God, who would enter into the center of it all, the very heart and mystery of Christ, into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love. This, my friend, is what it really means to be a Christian.” -Brennan Manning

The Last Station on the Road to Freedom

"No one has yet believed in God and the kingdom of God, no one has yet heard about the realm of the resurrected, and not been homesick from that hour, waiting and looking forward to being released from bodily existence.

Whether we are young or old makes no difference. what are twenty or thirty or fifty years in the sight of God? And which of us knows how near he or she may already be to the goal? That life only really begins when it ends here on earth, that all that is here is only the prologue before the curtain goes up - that is for young and old alike to think about. Why are we so afraid when we think about death? ... Death is only dreadful for those who live in dread and fear of it. Death is not wild and terrible, if only we can be still and hold fast to God's Word. Death is not bitter, if we have not become bitter ourselves. Death is grace, the greatest gift of grace that God gives to people who believe in him. Death is mild, death is sweet and gentle; it beckons to us with heavenly power, if only we realize that it is the gateway to our homeland, the tabernacle of joy, the everlasting kingdom of peace.

How do we know that dying is so dreadful? Who knows whether, in our human fear and anguish we are only shivering and shuddering at the most glorious, heavenly, blessed event in the world?
Death is hell and night and cold, if it is not transformed by our faith. But that is just what is so marvelous, that we can transform death."

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I was reading through Bonhoeffer's biography, "Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy" today and the previous quote completely gripped me.

If I am to really live today, I am to live with this mindset: "To live is Christ and to die is gain." How beautiful it is to be free from the fear of death. I rejoice that I have life. I rejoice that I’ve been given the gift of existing on this planet. The cliche phrase - “Live today as though it may be your last” becomes a practical way of existence as a follower of the Way. Tomorrow is never promised. If YHWH withholds tomorrow from me, that means I get to be with Him… which means I’ve reached the goal and I’ve seen Him face to face. Which means more than I could even try to write so I just won’t even try... ;)

I wonder what it would be like if to live with such expectancy! I shall choose to live in such a way, for I long to truly LIVE. “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” -Our LORD in Matthew 10:39

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” Philippians 3:8

When we adjust our perspectives on existence and dilate our eyes to the treasure that is eternity, I believe we will more fully live the abundant life Jesus speaks about. My reasoning for this is as follows: When we altogether loosen the tight grip we have on our lives, our desires, our ambition, our goals, and taste the reality of what is promised beyond this life, (the true Life that is to come for us that cannot be taken away or destroyed by moth and rust), our actions, thoughts, and very beings will continually release a freedom the world is longing for as we exist among those still in captivity. We will show others the Way. This freedom is cultivated by His grace as He reveals to us the certainty of eternity, the promise of His presence and friendship, the absolute assurance of being with Him where He is - not just for hundreds of years, but billions and billions and billions of years. Completely unbound from the shackles of time... beyond our minds’ grasp. Ultimately free. Forever.

The promise of what is to come offers us greater reason and eagerness to surrender certain things we would otherwise hold tightly to if we thought this life was all there was. Comfort, ease, self-indulgence, safety, a retirement plan, etc. It reminds me of a poem that echoes in my mind frequently:

“Only one life, twill soon be past,

Only what’s done for Christ will last.” -CT. Studd

How kind is the Father to give us these short 70-80 years to dwell on this earth, love and be loved, enjoy His beauty and friendship here, weep with those who weep, laugh, breathe, sing, partake in His Story! So many lives have passed across His gaze over the centuries. Not one individual has gone without His attention fixating on them. He crafted each one and chose in His kindness to give them life and purpose. He cared for each one, not willing that any should perish. Many of those lives chose to reciprocate His love and rob not themselves of the utter delight of knowing their Maker and fulfilling His purpose for them on the earth. Their time is gone now, but the clock is still ticking for you and for me. How will we choose to live? 

The glory and strangeness of it all is that, as followers of Christ, we have already died. As Paul writes in Galatians 2:20

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

There is a confidence, joy, and deeply rooted peace in the soul of those who know these truths. When one beholds and experiences the magnificent love of the Maker of the Universe and believes in the unshakable world that is beyond us, lays down his/her life to find it in Christ, there forms within him/her an otherworldly fortitude. This fortitude stands firm against trials, persecutions, wars, famine, suffering, heartache, loss, or any scheme of the enemy because it is rooted in truth. It is rooted in the character and promises of the Father and the lens through which life is now seen is altogether transformed.

I feel compelled to remind us that it would not do us well to live with an eagerness for eternity and miss out on our purpose today because we are so consumed with what is to come later. Yes, what is to come is unspeakable glorious and worthy of our excitement and eagerness. But what is so beautiful is that we get to bring His kingdom here. Today. In this very moment. The more we seek after Him and learn to be silent while He speaks to us, the more insight He gives into how to live as a citizen of heaven here. The Holy Spirit is our Teacher… He is the best one I know. He is more eager than we are to show us how to think, speak, eat, drink, act, EXIST. He will show us how to bring the kingdom of heaven into every context, situation, relationship, thought, and action. We get to be fearless ambassadors passing through, bringing His hope and joy wherever our feet take us and wherever His Spirit leads us. 

"If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again." Philippians 1:22-26

"Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Matthew 6:10

Stations on the Road to Freedom - Bonhoeffer

Discipline
If you set out to seek freedom, then learn above all things to govern your soul and your senses,  
for fear that your passions and longings may lead you away from the path you should follow. 
Chaste be your mind and your body, and both in subjection, obediently, steadfastly seeking the aim set before them;  
only through discipline may a man learn to be free.

Action
Daring to do what is right, not what fancy may tell you, 
valiantly grasping occasions, not cravenly doubting – 
freedom comes only through deeds, not through thoughts taking wing. 
Faint not nor fear, but go out to the storm and the action,  
trusting in God whose commandment you faithfully follow;  
freedom, exultant, will welcome your spirit with joy.

Suffering
A change has come indeed.  
Your hands, so strong and active, are bound; in helplessness now you see your action is ended;  
you sigh in relief, your cause committing to stronger hands; so now you may rest contented. 
Only for one blissful moment could you draw near to touch freedom;  
then, that it might be perfected in glory, you gave it to God.

Death
Come now, thou greatest of feasts on the journey to freedom eternal;  
death, cast aside all the burdensome chains, and demolish the walls of our temporal body, the walls of our souls that are blinded,  
so that at last we may see that which here remains hidden. 
Freedom, how long we have sought thee in discipline, action, and suffering;  
dying, we now may behold thee revealed in the Lord.

The Image of God

“For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.” ‭Romans‬ ‭8:29‬ 

Before the eyes of every child of God is the image of Christ. Once we meet the Living God through the person of Jesus, we are given the Spirit to dwell inside us as we work out what He works in - making us more like Himself. The light of this glorious, perfect image pierces every nook and cranny of the soul; cleansing, purifying, and transforming us into the likeness of the Messiah. The more fully we surrender ourselves to Him, the more His power transforms us and makes it impossible to NOT bear His own image in our flesh. 

YHWH'S pinnacle of creation is mankind. He saw Himself in Adam... His very own creature made to be like Himself. And He was glad in His handiwork. 

I imagine the feeling a human father or mother gets when they see their own likeness in their kid... "He is the spitting image of his dad!" Strangers might say. I don't have children yet, but that must be a beautiful thing to experience. Seeing a human you took part in creating... reflecting to the world your likeness through physical attributes, mannerisms, etc. 

The paradox and mystery of the human race is found here: Creatures of the only God Himself are designed to be like the Creator. We were created to not only know Him, but to be like Him. To bear the image of the infinite as forms of the finite. Creation carrying the image of He who is UNCREATED. That is our destiny and purpose. 

Within God's heart from the beginning was the desire to create mankind. Not only to simply create us and let us fend for ourselves while He sat entertained by our foolishness in the heavenlies. That is not our God. Our God graciously and generously lavished upon us His very image and likeness that we might exist in profound gratitude, love, and obedience toward Him; dwelling in unity and intimacy with Him in paradise. But the tragedy of the fall derailed us and we forfeited this glorious image. When Adam and Eve succumbed to the serpent's lie, they stood as mankind's representatives in the rejection of God's grace. We must now DO something in our own effort to become like God. "We can figure all of this out on our own! We can untangle this mess... we can discover the mystery of our being by ourselves!" Our prideful flesh shouts.

Mankind strives tirelessly on their own to become who God has already created them to be through His power and grace alone.

The fall of man: seeking to be like God without God.

After the fall, Adam and Eve experienced a type of woe that still paralyzes humanity today: the misplaced identity. Filled to the brim with shame and pride, we strive to become something, someone. Craving to reclaim the image of the divine in our own strength. The more intense and zealous our ambition to restore this image, the more believable our false achievements appear. We fall farther away from the true image of God and spend our days unknowingly "chasing after wind." The grand tragedy's encore.

Yet even in man's utter foolishness, God's compassion and affection overpowers. He is too kind and too in love to leave us in despair. He had a plan: to reestablish His image in mankind, the pinnacle of His creation. To accomplish the mission of His heart to renew the people who foolishly sought to make ourselves like Him, He made Himself like us! 

“For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” Romans‬ ‭8:3-4‬ 

He took on our nasty, grimy image of dust to transform us back into His image of the beauty and wholeness of YHWH. This is insane, my friends. INSANE. Think about this! His compassion is outrageous. He is relentless. He gave us yet again what He had already given us. Who does that? Body, soul, and spirit: we are destined to carry His image on this planet. But we need a COMPLETE transformation. A caterpillar to a butterfly kind of transformation. 

While we sat helpless in our blood, unable to get back to the beautiful God we rejected in the garden, the Son of God laid aside the form of the Father and adopted our form to adopt US. A Man comes to mankind. The eternal, divine image takes on the likeness of a slave.

“Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” Philippians‬ ‭2:7-8‬ 

This world is stuffed full of millions of ideas, concepts, religions, ideals, but we didn't need more of that. God defied logic and sent His very SON. It's personal. The Maker of the galaxies disguised Himself as one of us and dwelt among us. His words brought life, His teachings were/are captivating, His friendship - treasured. His heart displayed through His every action pierced the darkness cloaking humanities' eyes. Once again, the opportunity to taste and see the goodness of God was offered to man. The friend of sinners, the man of sorrows, God incarnate. Jesus the Christ. He took upon Himself the sorrows of mankind and humbly walked the path to His brutal death; the wrath and judgement of God cast heavily on His innocent shoulders. Ah. What love.

“He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth. By oppression and judgment he was taken away; and as for his generation, who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living, stricken for the transgression of my people?” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭53:3-8‬ 

He did it. He didn't just drink the just wrath of God, but He stomped on death. He accomplished His mission to renew us. But like Adam and Eve, we still have a choice. The offer still stands! We can be conformed to the new image of God in the work of Christ, or we can choose to manufacture it ourselves. And be led down the path of destruction.

Even as believers, we can be persuaded by the enemy to manufacture godliness. We can believe we are lacking something... or that we have to work to earn His favor and pleasure. We CANNOT do this. It is the same lie in a more cunning/crafty form. May this be true of us: "My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it." -Brennan Manning

If we want to share in His glory and radiance, we must share in His sufferings, being 'conformed to His death'. That is the recipe to the "new man." (See Philippians 3:7-10). We are unable to transform ourselves into His image. To go along with my analogy from the beginning, to transform OURSELVES into Christ's image is as absurd as a human child forcing himself to look like his parent. That's not how it works! 

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Romans 5:12-21

Through experiencing the Spirit of the living Christ, our lost identity is rediscovered. What was seemingly lost forever is graciously revealed to us again as we get closer to the Father's heart. We become who we were destined to be as we align with God's stunning design for creation. What an inexpressible gift. THIS IS AMAZING EVERYONE. It really changes EVERYTHING.

"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. glory to glory." 2 Corinthians 3:18

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

The Backstory

This moment 365 days ago, I was somewhere in the Colombian jungles documenting an unreached people group called "the Nukak." A few months prior, I had begun working a full-time position at a local church in Arkansas and decided to take some vacation time to experience this unique opportunity photographing a tribe in the jungles. It's hard to believe it has been only one year since that experience! I feel as though so much has taken place in such a short amount of time... and I keep pinching myself to make sure I'm really conscious and not in some dream world. Life is seldom what I plan... but I am so grateful that is the case. If I know everything that will take place in this life, how is that even fun? I like to be surprised... and I'm confident YHWH loves surprising. 

I realize many people are unsure of my journey thus far, and I decided to write my story in effort to bring clarity to new (as well as long-time) friends on what has been happening in my world for those who are interested. (Beware... this is lengthy) ;)

Many of you know my family was called by God to bring His light and truth to the people of the U.K. nearly seven years ago. (And although I could write a book of stories on that previous sentence alone, I will leave it short and expand in later posts or personal conversations :) ) I spent a season with my family in the motherland before moving to Virginia to attend University and pursue a degree in Journalism and Global Studies. I was planning on staying in Virginia to work and attain my Masters, but the Father had a different path for me. At the time, it was very difficult to let go of the life I had planned for myself after University. It was comfortable and easy, designed especially by ME... (which will always lead to disappointment, honestly). God really stripped away every security blanket I tried to warm myself with apart from Him. I was confused. My heart was aching. I felt alone in this weird, adult world where I have to pay bills, find a job, and make every single decision seemingly on my own. But He was with me, and I learned to press into the unknown with Him.

A few months following graduation from Uni in 2015, I was hired at a local church in Arkansas. A bit of background: Throughout my entire childhood, my champion of a dad along with my precious mom raised me and my three siblings in the way of the living God. My dad worked as a Youth Pastor in local churches from before I took a breath on this planet. My childhood memories are filled to the brim with summer camp experiences and nights of worship with the student ministry. As a little girl, I would sit proudly in an audience of hundreds watching my dad proclaim the gospel week after week. I would then watch him live the truth he proclaimed when all eyes were off him apart from my own. I watched him gently, yet firmly shepherd the flock God had entrusted to him. He and my mom painted a beautiful, yet realistic picture for me of what faithfulness in this walk with Christ and community looks like. My dad has this amazing way of having a blast in whatever season of life he is in. The Holy Spirit taught (and is still teaching) my parents to make it their aim to love people and the Church no matter the cost, and He is teaching me the same. 

Flash forward: I took the job at the local church and settled into my new world post University. I am profoundly grateful for the experience I had last year in Arkansas. YHWH blew me away with the people He brought to my path. I had the greatest host parents you could dream of. He brought me a mentor and a friend who I will hold close to my heart until I die. I experienced Him in ways I cannot even explain with human words. He changed me, refined me, stripped away rubbish I hadn't identified previously. Even today, He is still showing me the beauty of what He did in that year and a few months. Last February, I had the opportunity to spend some time with a man of great wisdom and I took the chance to ask him a few questions. One of the questions I asked was: "If you could go back in time and offer your 21 year old self a piece of wisdom you wish you would have known, what would it be?" 

His answer changed the trajectory of my life. 

"Find three to four things you are really passionate about and you feel God has uniquely gifted you in, and spend 70% of your time doing those 3-4 things. Spend your life strengthening your strengths, don't get sidetracked, and you will do well." (EPIC wisdom huh?!)

I swiftly wrote all that was spoken into my little journal and went on with my day, yet his words were ringing in my head like an inescapable song on repeat. What are those 3-4 things that I am going to invest the majority of my life in? Who has the Maker designed me to be? Why did He decide to give me life in this time in history? etc etc etc.

As of today, I'm one week away from 23 years of age, yet I feel as though I'm just now learning who this Hannah Elizabeth Taylor girl is. I am still on this journey of discovery which I'm confident will take me through more valleys, scaling mountains, swimming through deep oceans for however many years [decades/days even?? Only He knows] until I go Home. But I am learning to enjoy the process and breathe it all in instead of succumbing to restlessness and "the grass is always greener" syndrome. 

God has revealed much to me over the past few years, and I believe He is narrowing down the already narrow path I am walking on with Him. Following the conversation with that wise man, I decided to that I should invest my time, focus, and effort into photography, writing and discipleship, (which is a give-in as a follower of the Way). I am completely open to Him enlarging my points of focus, but of those previously stated I am confident. After He lit this part of my path for me, I knew I had to step into it. He promised me He would be a lamp to my feet and a light to my path... so how could I refuse to do my part and not take a step when He did His part to show me the way? 

So I stepped. I quit my full-time job and moved to Jerusalem to work as a volunteer with Bridges for Peace. I am spending my days in the Holy Land photographing and writing about projects and people in Jerusalem and beyond. Bridges for Peace is a Christian organization who exists to love, support, and build relationships with the Jewish people through many different programs and projects. 

I heard about Bridges for Peace through my mentor and friend, Amy. She and I were sitting at Panera Bread Cafe one day and we were discussing my dreams for my life. (As anyone would obviously do at Panera Bread....;)). I was explaining some of the desires God had put in my heart and the three things I intend to spend the rest of my life investing in. I remember her telling me I should look into moving into a Kibbutz... "You're really 'kibbutzie', Hannah." She told me. "I think you belong in Israel." (I've had this familiar ache to be in Israel for as long as I can remember, but I didn't know how realistic it was... not to mention the picture the media painted for me on the news wasn't too pretty. I longed to be there, nonetheless).

"Kibbutz means group in Hebrew. It is a modest name for something unique: a voluntary democratic community where people live and work together on a non-competitive basis. Its aim is to generate an economically and socially independent society founded on principles of communal ownership of property, social justice, and equality." -Google (lol)

I was really interested in moving to a kibbutz, working with my hands, documenting life in such a unique environment... all the while living and breathing in the Holy Land! However, there was another opportunity Amy would share with me. She told me about a friend of hers who works as a journalist and tour guide in the Land. He is also affiliated with Bridges for Peace (along with Amy's in-laws who volunteered here for multiple years) and she decided to shoot him a message about me as we sat in the cafe eating breakfast.

"Stan normally responds to Facebook messages within 2-3 weeks because of his busy schedule, but be patient. He will respond." She said.

Not even two MINUTES after Amy messaged Stan did he respond with: "Yes! Have Hannah email me and we will get connected to talk about potential opportunities for her."

After that phone conversation with Stan not two weeks later, I knew what I needed to do. YHWH continued flinging open door after door and I kept running through each one until I stepped through the door of the aircraft flying to Tel-Aviv, Israel. My brother, Thaddaeus and I experienced and unforgettable/life changing/all around INCREDIBLE 11 day tour around the Land with Stan. It really did change my life... it still is. (Shameless plug: If you are even wondering if you should come tour Israel, wonder no more. Message me and I'll give you the details of the best tour guide you'll ever find!) ;)

Thaddaeus flew back to America last month and I am here in Jerusalem until mid-May. I have chosen to make each day an adventure and I am loving it so much. There are many people from every nation of the world I get to call 'friend' now. I am attending a Messianic Jewish congregation each Shabbat that is starting to feel like family. I'm writing in a cafe about five minutes walk from where Christ rose from the dead. (Yes... I'm serious). Shockingly enough, it is tempting to let the reality and wonder of this fade into the background as routine takes over in this city I call 'home' for now. Yet I am actively fighting against this and asking my Father to continue to stun me... leave me breathless and lost in childlike awe...bright-eyed and giddy. And not just while I'm here... but for the rest of my days too. He is coming through for me. (He's really good at doing that!). Some days, I walk down the streets just laughing out loud because of where He has me... who He is... what all of this means!!!! Surely people think I'm crazy. And I don't think they're wrong... ;)

I know this is about the length of a small book... and if you read this far, you should get a small trophy or something! Thank you for taking time to read about some of my journey. It means a lot to me and I hope this has somehow encouraged you. God is a really amazing story-teller. So paradoxical is He! He wants our lives to be surrendered to Him, for in doing so - we experience ultimate freedom. We find our lives when we lose them. We are first when we choose to be last. We truly come alive when we die to ourselves. This is the good life... the true life. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all I have yet to learn and grow in, but today is all that I am concerned about. He has given me everything I need TODAY, and I'm delighted to experience Now with Him. 

May we press into Him today - in this very moment. Step by step He will lead us as these days become years, the years become decades, and decades become a lifetime. LORD willing, a life well lived for the glory of His name and the sake of His kingdom.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33

A Call to Prayer

When all is said and done, the life of faith is nothing if not a wrestle to rest. Resting comes only in meeting with Jesus Christ and taking on His pleasant yoke; a yoke lined in love. And we learn from Him. We learn His heart, His ways, His thoughts; the lessons that cannot be taught. He gives the invitation and we make the decision moment by moment. Will we choose to accept or reject Him? Our daily schedules answer that question for us. Do we make time for Him? Yes, He is continually with us. But have we really sensed the desperation for His voice and His nearness upon waking? Are we hungering and panting for Him in the afternoon and into the evening? Do we wake up in the middle of the night and long for Him? Have we really let ourselves experience even a drop in the endless ocean of affection He holds within His heart for us? 

It is impossible to live this life of faith if we have grown weary of prayer. When food, sleep, unmet desires, and finite thoughts dull our tastebuds for intimacy with Christ, how can we move forward? It is a slippery slope from that point on. The heart of the prayer-less Christian is stale, lifeless, and fickle. Running on a hamster wheel, chasing wind, eagerly grasping for identity, control and stability. Such a person knows not the reward from the secret place. Praise from men seems weightier than the pleasure of the Father. They walk around as people whose laughter and confidence is hanging on by a mere thread, subject to tearing at any moments notice. Slaves of men, they are. Their Master is man's approval. Their joy is found in the fleeting opinion of those who will return to dust in a few short years. Their definition of success, beauty and identity are seen through the skewed lens of the finite.

I know this because I was one of those "prayer-less Christians'' myself. Too often in my lifetime, I saw the people around me and the person in the mirror through the eyes of this world. I would pray on occasion... (whenever I was lonely or needed something or saw a friend praying, and it would remind me...). I would have a mighty 'quiet time' in the morning, but as the hours of the day went by, my gaze stuck like a magnet to my own thoughts, my own hopes for my day and my life as a whole. My own opinions and ideas of what other people thought of me became the driving force for every action I took. I wanted others to see my achievements and think well of me. I surely got my reward from them, but not my Father. I was a slave to men, and I was exhausted.

I must pose an honest question: can the prayer-less Christian even be a Christian at all? The definition of 'Christian' in our day is foggy, isn't it? It shouldn't be. I met a man who professed to have been in the ministry for two decades, but would not identify himself as a 'man of prayer.' The devastating thing is, this is is not abnormal.

It is all very black and white. You are either for Him or against Him. You either know Him personally or you don't. It will never be enough to know about Him and never call Him your own. He becomes your own through intentional pursuit... choosing to communicate with Him and resting in His REAL love for you.

Paul made it clear in Galatians 1:10: "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." 

Beware of the sleazy, sociably acceptable trap to lust after the approval of man. To ache for more followers, more likes, more compliments, and affirmations, filling up on the fake grapes of being 'enough' for the standards of this world. It is a trap that leads to a slow, miserable death of soul. It will destroy you. Choose life! Choose to think like Christ! For "we have the mind of Christ..."

We forget the beauty found in the only opinion that matters when we forget to talk to Him and listen. Just talk to Him. Bare your soul before Him. Cast your cares upon Him. Tell Him everything... He is your friend. The best one you'll ever know. And then hush and hear Him.

Is it not in prayer that we, like Moses, experience His goodness and His character in a way that utterly transforms us? We have access though the Spirit, every moment, to the same God that walked with Adam in the cool of the day. The same Jesus that stood beside Paul in the night. The God who pieced you together and is giving you the ability to read these words, breathe the breath in your lungs in this very moment... yes, Him. You can meet with Him right now, properly hidden in the secret place where He is always waiting to be found by you. Oh the power that lives within us! The wonder of it all! I am His for the taking, and He is mine. (Sometimes my eyes fill with tears at the reality of it all... this is one of those moments).

As I write this, I am sitting in a cafe in the Old City, hearing the call to prayer ringing around Jerusalem. In this moment, thousands of Muslims (who YHWH loves) are bowing their knees and praying to a god who is not God. They are more devoted to their god than most followers of Christ are to the only living God! We must wake up. This is a different call to prayer. He is alive my friends, and He has secrets to tell us. He has insight to give. He has songs to sing to us. He has strength for you to keep going. He has anything and everything we will ever need. "The LORD is my Shepherd, I lack nothing."

The more I pray, the more I taste what it means to be truly free; to live in strategic whimsy. To cast every last care upon Yeshua, to hear His heart and experience His presence, and to walk with Him throughout my day. As we seek Christ, His love begins to compel us. We experience rest through prayer and stillness. He tears down the walls that we build around our hearts and minds to keep anything and anyone out. He breathes fresh air into you and me. The striving ceases. The shaky identity anchors. The wandering mind focuses. And we are swept up in this foreign, divine dance of faith that draws the gaze of a restless world longing for love.

"As well could you expect a plant to grow without air and water as to expect your heart to grow without prayer and faith." -Spurgeon

The Apple of God's Eye

Waking up in the Holy Land each day is an absolute privilege. As I write, the birds are singing their happy songs right outside my ope window. The sun is shining in these vast, cloudless skies. The streets merely whisper the hum drum of vehicles and passerbys. 

I spent the past 11 days on a tour around this ancient, breathtaking land. My brother and I now treasure the unforgettable experience of traipsing across the land flowing with milk and honey (and stray cats...;) ). This land - where the men and women of old experienced the power and presence of God so much so that it changed history forever... (and just maybe your very life as well). 

Jesus Christ Himself, the God-Man, the One of whom the Prophets foretold, the One who breathed life and insight into those very Prophets, that One walked around here. He spoke His beautiful, paradoxical, captivating words here. He was sentenced to death here. He was crucified and buried here. Just a few miles from where I write these words, the loud scraping sound of that massive round stone could have been heard on the glorious morning His earthly lungs carried breath again. He rose from the grave here, in this exact city. And He will return to this place, to rule and reign, and ultimately recreate. 

“For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth, and the former things shall not be remembered or come into mind." Isaiah 65:17

"Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God." Hebrews 11:10

"Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a devouring fire." Hebrews 12:28-29

Ready or not, the Kingdom is coming. Behold, the Kingdom of God is in our midst! (Luke 17:21). Yes, even now. Do you believe this? Do I? 

It is an incomparable honor to be in the land whose stones tell the stories that we anchor our eternity to. I do not want to grow numb to the reality of it all. The wonder and miracle of life and love. He is waking me up and opening my eyes. I am eager to seek Him more than I ever have before.

During my time in the land YHWH call's the apple of His eye, it is my prayer that my heart would continue to learn and imitate the rhythm of my Father's. That my eyes would be opened to realities previously unknown and unsought. That I would love the person in front of me with the uncommon love of Christ. That I would tell stories of His majesty in the midst of the chaos and tension. 

He is on the move, my friends. I can see the the flowers blooming.

“Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,
At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,
And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.”

-C.S. Lewis

The Chase

“Purity of heart is to will one thing.” -Søren Kierkegaard

Throughout life, distractions seem to loom like an unwelcome, inescapable fragrance. Every soul is constantly craving and pursuing something. Great amounts of time and energy are spent on that which cannot outlive the thinker or the doer. We wonder a lot about tomorrow. We wonder a lot about yesterday. True wonder ends up quenched by synthetic wonder, (like a stomach too full of Twinkies to enjoy a tasty home grown meal). We gnaw on whatever is in sight, emotionally, physically and spiritually. The thoughts living in our minds find their source in emotion or opinion instead of truth. We run nonstop in search of approval, satisfaction, position, success and significance. Our days are spent chasing blindly after wind.

When will we learn to breathe again? When will be slow down again? When will we look for our Father’s eyes again? When will look up and sense the magnificence of it all again; the miracle of life and the gift of love. The broken made beautiful life here, and the perfect, permanent life to come?

The Treasure held within us is a mystery, yet a Person who makes Himself knowable. He gives us the chance to pursue and behold Him. He designed existence to be one great, glorious chase.

Who doesn’t want to be sought out and fought for? Who doesn’t want to be fully known and fully accepted? Does it not make sense that Christ wants us to seek Him? For in the seeking of Him we learn who we truly are. Remaining stagnant in our chase after God confuses the lens out of which we see those around us and the person in the mirror. And all the while we seemingly forget who we are because we cannot recall who He is.

Our chase after the hearts of others becomes a fearful thing rather than a freeing thing. Our chase after God seems to lack passion and depth. There are times in my life where I have become afraid of vulnerability, risk, and pain. In regards to this, C.S. Lewis once said, “To love is to be vulnerable.” It is certainly vulnerable to love God and others. It’s frightening to trust He who is unseen and others who are seen. It’s dangerous to chase after the heart of Yahweh, to have bursting affection and unquenchable desire for Him, and yet it’s far more dangerous to remain lackadaisical and withdrawn, filled to the brim with lesser things and falling prey to the numbing, destructive pleasantries of the adversary.

So I ask you, dear reader, what is it you are chasing?

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:8

Admiration is the rarest of pleasures

“Admiration is the rarest of pleasures.”

Delight yourself in seeing the infinite admirableness of Jesus. Let His excellencies satisfy you to the uttermost. We are satisfied when we observer His delightfulness.

“Consider the admirable conjunction of diverse Excellencies in Christ. In Jesus Christ (there is) infinite highness and infinite condescension; infinite justice and infinite grace; infinite majesty and transcendent meekness; deepest reverence toward God and equality with God; worthiness of good and the greatest patience under the suffering of evil; a great spirit of obedience and supreme dominion over heaven and earth; absolute sovereignty and perfect resignation; self-sufficiency and an entire trust and reliance on God.”
–Jonathan Edwards :: The Excellency of Christ

[Delight]. see and savor the excellencies of the infinitely admirable person Jesus

[Know Him]. as your closest friend and companion. 
“no one goes to the Grand Canyon to improve their self esteem.” 
God is the great Grand Canyon… but we can trust Him because he loves us. (Galatians 2:20 + Revelation 2:17)

[Receive with worshipful gratitude everything He gives you]
delight in his love for you.
delight in what He’s made. 
He loves us

The Malawi Journals P2

It's 10:54pm over here and I'm so tired that I'm copying and pasting a text I just sent to my family! Today was one of my favorite days I have ever lived! Here is one of the MANY beautiful stories from today:

We walked around a village where no white man has ever ventured before. Wide eyes everywhere. We went out two by two, each with a translator. Duncan was our translator. He is a gentle man with kind eyes and a vulnerable laugh.

It is custom for Malawians to honor any guest that comes to their home, so we would walk up to a hut, say "wawa" (hello!) and the people would walk out of their hut with a wooden bench or their own sleeping mat for us to sit on.

The first hut we went to belonged to a sweet family. The grandmother, Tabitha, her daughter, Katherine, and then Katherine's kids all sat down with us on the ground and we sat on their mat.

I asked our Duncan to ask them if I could share with the family the greatest news in the whole world. News so important that we traveled all the way from America to tell them! They nodded. (Praises for that😜). So I shared the glorious, powerful gospel. They were listening so intently. They said they have never heard anything like this, but they believe the words I shared with them are true and want to be saved. We prayed together and welcomed them to the fam!!!! 😭💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽😭😭💃🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

THEN

We went over to the dirt road to find another hut, and we came across this really old, lovely woman (pictured here) And all those kids gathered around us as we sat on this road and shared the gospel with her. She had never heard either....and SHE GAVE HER LIFE TO JESUS TOO.🙌🏽 then Katherine (from the first hut) comes up outta no where and whispers to me and Duncan that she had been suicidal and had been wanting to kill herself and said she was so happy we came to tell her of Jesus.

I'll never forget this day! How unspeakably beautiful is YAHWEH??? To have written today from the foundations of the world...for Katherine, Tabitha, their children and children's children, for Yeli, and many others to belong to Him and we got to carry His news of love and peace to them. Tell me if there is something better and I don't think I could believe it! 

The Malawi Journals

Today has felt like five days somehow meshed into a 24 hour period... (In the best possible way🙃). Our team stayed the night in Johannesburg last night before making the trek to Malawi early this morning. We landed in Malawi and hopped on a bus to journey three hours to Esther's House where we will be spending our time here.

We were riding along the dusty road bordering Mozambique, gazing at the incredible mountains and land formations, enjoying the nice African air in our faces, all the while trying to stay awake from the long journey behind us....(48hrs of traveling confuses one's body that's fer sure). After nearly two and a half hours, we found ourselves (all 27 of us) walking in a single file line (LOL) back to the nearest town to find another form of transportation because of an ill-timed bus breakdown. We walked for a little while and stumbled upon a police station of some sort out in the middle of a few villages.

It was around 5:30 pm by this point. The sun had just begun to set and we were still looking for a way to get to Esther's House. Some curious lil kids from the village wandered out to observe what one earth we were doing. Some went over to try and communicate with them (which is always humorous). I tried to ask if they had a 'football' (⚽️) and pretended to kick an imaginary one so they would better understand. (I think the only english the kids knew was "yes" and "no" because that is all they kept saying 🙈😊). Instead of trying to communicate with words, we grabbed an empty water bottle and started kicking it around. Within 20 seconds we had an entire game going. We made goals from rocks and sticks and 5 minutes into the match another village boy ran over with his football for all of us to play with.

Laughter was all over the place. Love beyond language. The typical (and breathtaking) african red sun was setting off in the distance. Some women and their little ones from the village came over and watched the pick up game with some girls on our team. It was so unexpected and so beautiful. I loved every moment of it. I think Eunice, Joshua, Corence and all their buddies did too.

After a few hours, our replacement bus showed up and we made it to Esther's house. We ate like we were giving up our birthrights. Potatoes have never tasted so good in all my life. We are so stoked to be here!!!

Tbh I don't really know what day it is or what time it is on my body clock, but I do know I'm point 7 seconds from being unconscious. 

-ht