Take a Deep Breath

There are many things that have distracted me today. I’m not eager to write out what actually goes on inside me sometimes because I’d rather you all think highly of me instead of realizing I’m a human being. Nevertheless, here lies the struggle of Hannah on April 29, 2016 in effort to kill her pride. I hope it points you to Jesus!

Today, concerns flood through the corners of my heart like water shooting out of geyser. Upon the first few moments of waking, I am reminded of duties left undone, letters left unfinished, dreams that I have yet to match with action, stories I have yet to write, pictures left to edit, studies that need preparing, goals that need accomplishing, depths of my God to dive into, lessons that need some learning, ideas that need birthing… and the list goes on and on and on. Are you exhausted yet? In reading what I have just written, I can honestly say that each one of those categories have individually and obnoxiously knocked on the doors of my attention all morning long… and it’s only NOON for crying out loud. This doesn’t sit well with me… and I’m glad it doesn’t. This isn’t what I was created for. I don’t want to get comfortable with anxious and overwhelming thoughts… they are not welcome to make their home in me, yet they seem to always be trying take up residence. They strive to overtake every nook and cranny of my mind and cover all the windows and walls with their loud, obnoxious and unsettling decor. They remind me of the nasty Mucus on those Mucinex commercials. Loud and unkempt, fit for a home of a peasant, but rejected by a palace of royals.

Anxious thoughts can be likened to that Mucus man. They aren’t welcome, yet they exist to convince you that they belong. I’ve only just begun to experience this as I’ve entered the “real world” recently. Life has gotten busy, duties are piling up, to-do list is always growing, and soon enough, tranquility is squandered by anxiety. Anxiety about the past, anxiety about the future, anxiety about anxiety. (LOL. Isn’t it comical though?) Before you realize what is happening, the day is robbed by inward restlessness the cycle begins again when the morning comes. And little by little, perspective shrinks, imagination dies, the heart grows colder, and you replace the warmth, peace, freedom, friendship and Presence of the fierce and untamed Almighty God for a narrow, smelly, hurried, petty perspective of yourself. What an exchange, huh?! I can see the foolishness of it plain as day when I write it out, yet in the dark corners of my mind where the Tazmanian devil runs aloof if not resisted, the garden in my heart where Yahweh continually dwells seems clogged by twigs, leaves, and tumbleweeds; seemingly unattainable and unreachable. The intoxicating song of my Love is replaced by hundreds of other songs (that sound more like screamo), and I am given the choice of with whom I shall sing along.

It’s too easy to shout along with other songs! They are the loudest in all the world. Mainstream and familiar are they, but the tune isn’t pleasing to my ears. The song hummed by the Composer of the Universe, however… that’s the Song I want to sing along to. Immanuel is the Conductor I want to take my cues from. He tells you and me to fix our eyes on Him (Hebrews 3:1), to set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2), to keep our thoughts fixed on Him (Isaiah 26:3)… It seems He gives pretty clear instruction to us to spare us from the life would otherwise live. I’m frustrated that this blessed reality is just an afterthought at times! We have the greatest Gift fathomable, yet sometimes we allow the power of the awareness of this to be robbed by our busyness as well as our ache to accomplish and be accomplished. We forget our identity. We live from a place of “not yet” instead of “being HIS.” May it be increasingly difficult to forget that He is WITH US. And not simply (yet miraculously) with us, but He WANTS TO BE. HE delights to be near us. I think that is what changes things.

I am madly convinced that the more aware we are of His nearness, the more we supernaturally accept the reality that we “couldn’t be one bit better” in His eyes, the more we live from a place of indefatigable (<— click on it ;) ) adoring, divine love, the more the Kingdom will grow in our hearts and through our lives. Our responsibilities may increase, our to-do lists may be long, but the peace of God will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus and we will be filled to the brim with Life. We will wrestle to rest. We will cast our cares on Him because we know He cares for us. Our deepest longing is to be loved, and by His grace, we are loved by Him. I wish I could come up with the right words to replace the familiarity about that statement with the ferocious, outlandish, altogether transformational and wonderful truth that it is. I wish I could reignite the passion in your heart for the Living God. I cannot, but the Spirit can. Just ask Him to. He loves to turn His ears to us. He takes pleasure in satisfying our hunger with the finest of Food.

So breathe. Live in the world that is Yahweh. That is our goal for each moment.

A man I admire, by the name of Brother Lawrence once said, “The King, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastising me, embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands, gives me the key of His treasures; He converses and delights Himself with me incessantly, in a thousand and a thousand ways, and treats me in all respects as His favorite. It is thus I consider myself from time to time in His holy presence.”

The following verses are both Zephaniah 3:17 in different translations. (NLT + AMP). Meditate on this verse and let it pierce your heart in the best way.

“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.””

“The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing.”

Delight of Life

The delight of life is found in the small things. The small things can be delighted in when you are at peace with the large things. Like the existence of the Creator. All my tributaries of delight are outflows of this deep One Source.

I am thankful that He exists today.

Imagine having hope in nothing at all. Imagine even further the dreadful state of mind that has grown numb to the AWESOME (And I mean awesome) reality of Him and living in the fleeting pleasures of sin when you could be walking with purpose and abundant life, knowing that you are a child of the One who breathed out the hundreds of billions of galaxies that we can even fathom with our finite minds that were created (not by us) but by this higher being who dwells in the heavens and in the hearts of those who love Him.

O the power that resides in His followers. May we take hold of His truth and walk as aliens and strangers upon the earth… seeking the Country that is to come. (The heavenly one).

Know the Truth

John 8:31-32 says, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

I dare you… live in God today. Dwell in Him. Go where He asks. Listen for His whisper. Obey. Ask Him for things. Big or small. Do not doubt. Do not whine. Do not bicker. Be stable, steadfast, fully pleasing to Him.

Oh that we might break free from the confined religious box in which we all willfully lock ourselves in. There is much freedom to behold if we would only choose to seek Him and know Him (truly).

Let’s just think about that for a moment… the sheer blessing and wonder of seeking GOD. knowing GOD. He is so much more than this facade we have all fallen into that He can only be found and enjoyed if we have ‘good coffee’ or ‘a nice aura of warm light in the early morning before the eyelids of the dawn peer open’…(or maybe that’s just me). Comfortable music and comfortable people, easy living and a tight grip on “our belongings” and “our plans” (that really aren’t ours anyway…) are a treacherous path toward “freedom" that will plunge us down into a stagnant pit like Smeagol trying to salvage his ‘precious ring’ as he falls into the river of lava on Mordor. Our comforts, feelings, habits, ways of religion, etc have a tendency to become our gods rather than Jesus Christ. He is forever gracious to us, however and He knows that we are dust… falling into the adoration of the blessing, the temporary, the tangible, the feeling, rather than the Blesser, the Everlasting One, the Invisible God, the Truth.

We have the inexpressible gift of dwelling and hiding in Jesus every moment of everyday. The Pearl of great price. The One who came to this exact earth that we are miraculously dwelling on right in this moment. The One who created this miraculous planet and galaxy that we find ourselves on. The One who upholds all things by the word of His power. The One who is perfect in all His ways and is Himself the essence of purity, righteousness, goodness, justice, meekness, humility, love, holiness and infinitely more. The One who has been here before the beginning of time. The One who invented and crafted each of our fingerprints. The One who paints the skies. The One who has illogically placed Himself within those who receive Him as LORD to indwell and be found in Him for eternity. The One who was rejected by His own family for a three decades. The One who was rejected by those He came to show His relentless love and compassion for, (and is still experiencing that rejection currently). The One who disciplines, refines, and prunes those who are His (in love). The One who did immensely more than any one of us could ever try and dream up that we won’t be able to fit in our foggy, finite brains until we are face to face with Jesus (which will happen in probably a few decades, mind you). The One who breathes life into the lifeless. The One who left the tomb, (grinning the most beautiful grin the world could ever fathom, I presume). The One who is coming back to make right was has been made wrong. The One who gives purpose to my moments… who counted me worth it to love… who counted you, dear reader, worthy to love (so much so that He drank the wrath of the Living God for us). I could go on and on and on.

May we never lose our wonder.

Once again, John 8:31-32 says, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Emphasis on “KNOW,” for in knowing, we are beholding, possessing knowledge in “personal experience.“ Do we truly “know” (ginōskō)

or do we just merely feel? While feeling is not all bad, fickle feeling leads us into doubt and doubt hinders us from faith and stability in the Truth.

James 1:5-8, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

Perhaps this is the reason for our inconsistency and doubt? Could this be the reason for our lack of experiencing Him for ourselves and falling into laziness and disregard for the pursuit after Him due to the easy ride on the passions, spiritual experiences, visions, and dreams of others? It reminds me of Marlin riding the EAC in “Finding Nemo,” ”Just hop on the ride and you won’t have to exert any energy or force… just ride the waves bro!!!” Mindless meandering.  (Of which I have certainly fallen as prey).

But isn’t He worth the pursuit? Isn’t He worth studying, memorizing, treasuring, relentlessly chasing, listening to, talking to, waking up early for, fasting for, etc etc etc. Isn’t He worth KNOWING?

He is. He is worth it all. He is worth having faith in. He is worth believing in. He is worth abiding in, dwelling in, living in, and living for. We are at home with Him anywhere. If we choose to dwell in the shelter of the Most High, we will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. If we choose to dwell in the shelter of circumstances, people and feeling, we will abide in the shadow of doubt, instability, conflicting passions, misguided desires, anxiety, envy, purposelessness, (and much else).

I dare you…once again to remain, abide, dwell in YAHWEH. The unshakable One. Pitch your tent… anchor yourself in Him. Be not like a doubter who is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. Ask the generous One to give you wisdom. He is a good Father, Friend, Beloved.

Let me remind our souls yet again, that He actually is who He says He is. He can do all that He says He can do. You are who He says you are. He sees you. He knows you. May we not rob ourselves of knowing the Truth and beholding the freedom that is Jesus.

PS: We can do nothing without Him anyway… so we mustn’t forget that. Jesus says in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” 

(Hence the importance of abiding, dwelling, KNOWing). It’s all a gloriously intricate and wonderfully simple all at the same time.

“I AM THAT I AM”

Some thoughts from Brazil

The past five hours have been spent reading the story of God from Genesis to Revelation. Thoughts have crept in throughout the day that have caused me to doubt whether or not my time was being spent in vain in light of all the temporary (insignificant, yet momentarily important) tasks awaiting accomplishment. I came to the conclusion that such a hypothesis is utterly foolish. No time spent with or for the King is foolish. My understanding of they rest and glorious news of your costly love/grace/sacrifice is resounding freshly in my soul. I thank Him today… the Most Hight, yet intimate Friend, for coming for me. For warning me of the wrath to come and transferring me into the kingdom of His beloved Son, the kingdom of light where I can be with Him from this moment and onward into eternity. 

My spirit wrestles day in and day out with this news. “Am I living right? Am I living a life worthy of the calling He has given me? Am I loving people enough? Loving God enough? Am I accepting Christ’s gift of grace every moment without a calloused heart as a result of my culture or do I see His grace as an award to be earned? Do I believe Him or just in Him? Why do I feel like I am alone at times if this is really true?”

Yet He continually reminds me of my purpose on this planet, of my worth in His eyes. I am asking Him to continue cultivating in me an unshakable confidence and passion that captivates the world around me and thus makes others Homesick for Him. He is the ultimate truth. He is the only God. He can handle our worries, doubts, fears, brokenness, insecurities, joys, dreams, thoughts, emotions, annoying habits, etc etc etc. I cast my cares on Him because He cares for me. He knows me… and still adores me. I love Him and I don’t care who knows it. He desires heart-felt, affectionate devotion and not just a cool instagram of our quiet times. (somewhat similar to the fig tree that He himself cursed. Having the appearance of fruit, but lacking). There is much lostness in our age. Familiar false religion and mistaken religious victims who are desperate for His intervention. 

I do not thirst for lofty words or drawn out phrases. I desire Him. The real Him. My flesh often blocks that desire, but He is greater than my heart and His word is true. Christ in me outlives the fickle emotion and created realities of Hannah Elizabeth Taylor. 

I want to fulfill my task that my LORD has given me, but I want to have fun and experience pleasure and laughter. I want to love freely because it is delightful to me and Jesus. I want to know Him and the greatness of HIs power in the day to day. 

He is the perfect sacrifice and it is all true. He adopted me, y'all. I love Him for it. He took everything that I owed, my sin, guilt, shame, messed up religion, messed up ideas, messed up soul, and offered up His blood - The Perfect Lamb was slain for me. For us. 

For mankind you came to earth, to display your illogical affection

You drank the wrathful cup and commanded resurrection

Jesus alone is the life, the truth, and the way

He left us freedom to choose Him or woefully disobey.

Who would dare turn away from this unspeakably glorious gift?

Choose Him now and forever, may your eyes eternally lift

Thank you Yahweh! Thank you! You are my LORD and Master

You came not to conquer nations, our hearts are what you’re after.

The Story

The past month has been filled with new faces, places, challenges, delights and lessons. It is weird to think about the fact that I’ve been here for one entire month, but I am thankful indeed. I have one more month among these people in this land and I am excited to live. The LORD has shown Himself to me in ways that cause me to love Him more. I am learning to have patience in the process… patience in this story He is letting me take part in for some gracious and illogical reason.

Having grown up in a culture where “more, instead of “less” is what qualifies the way we define “more”… where “fast food” reigns over our lives… where the fastest way is the best way… where the mindset of “getting as much as you can for the minimum price” is eclipsing our mindset like poison ivy on skin.

I am prone to want the fast pass for everything. I want the fast pass for studying – for knowledge. I want the fast pass for editing photos. I want the fast pass for solitude and serenity. I want the fast pass for food when I’m hungry. I want the fast pass for salvation. I want the fast pass to freedom. I want the fast pass for health. I want the fast pass for cleanliness. I want the fast pass for traffic. I want the fast pass for coffee and tea. I want the fast pass to knowing God more intimately. I want the fast pass for my sanctification.

Woe is me! How dare I dethrone the God of patience and the Most Glorious Storyteller from the Lordship of my impatient soul. How dare I assume that simply because my culture is fast-paced and impatient, my God will change His beautiful, timeless character in order to cater my entitled way of thinking in which I have been conditioned. No. I must change (or rather allow HIM to change me) to meet His way of working… His way of loving… His way of seeking… His way of WAITING.

“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14

The coastlands hope for Him. Creation groans for Him. Why don’t we? We are impatient creatures…that’s why. Consumed with the here and now… All our emptiness is clothed in immediate pleasure… immediate satisfaction… immediate destinations… the tangible. (Whatever happened to looking not to what is seen but to what is unseen? Aka: Faith?) 

But think of Genesis. God could have breathed out the entirety of creation in a split second if He pleased. He could have saved so much “time” if He would have just created everything right then and there…. right? 

And what about Noah? Decades upon decades upon decades of building a boat and enduring mockery? Why didn’t God, in His power, just let the grand ole Ark fall from heaven and save Noah all that time and effort?

Or the Exodus. This one is my favorite to think about. It completely contradicts how I (foolishly and initially) imagine God to function in setting His captives free. He waits very long time to first off get ahold of Moses’ heart… even longer get the Israelites out of Egypt… even longer to get them to the Promise Land. And even longer than all of that combined to be patient with their fickleness (and ours) as they (and we) seek Him.

Think of Jericho. The Prophets. 400 years of silence. Jesus’ life. Jesus’ experience with raising Lazarus from the dead to name a few. (He waited TWO DAYS AFTER HEARING HIS BEST FRIEND DIED for cryin’ out loud). Jesus’ death. The hours on the cross He could have been spared from. (“IF you are God, get yourself down from there”). The three days in between. (He could have just risen immediately could have spared His disciples from so much agony. Ugh). And now… think of the present. We are waiting. For Jesus. For our Messiah to come again. And seemingly trying to rush rather than trust.

Why does God wait so often when He knows how much we need Him?

He is teaching me the answer to this annoying question that I ponder deep within my soul numerous times a day. Although I cannot truthfully tell you that I love the answer yet, He is warming me up to it. I believe He waits so often in spite of our impatience because He is teaching us to TRUST Him. He is teaching us to believe Him. He is teaching us to rid ourselves of our “Messiah tendencies.” We like to think we are in control… we like to think we can solve anything and everything – that we have a remedy for everything and everyone. That we can get the quick fix and all will be well.

But we are dreadfully mistaken. 

We are the dust of dust… yet the apple of God’s eye. We think so highly of ourselves while standing utterly helpless. Like a styrofoam wall that looks to be standing strong. We must reckon ourselves dead and come to terms with the reality that we control nothing… not even our own breath. 

One thing I love about the Brasilian culture is how it is “event oriented” rather than “time oriented.” This means the people care more (for the most part) about PEOPLE rather than time. The past year especially, I have fallen prey to the trap of what America defines as being time-efficient, productive, etc. 

In the chaos of life and the busyness of a nineteen/twenty year old’s “hectic schedule,” (I’m laughing inside as I type that nonsense), I have seemingly forgotten to love people like Jesus did and does. He walked slowly through the crowd. He ate His food slowly as He conversed with the people He loved and had compassion for. He loved slowly and was patient as people walked with Him. Yes, of course they had faults that were not hidden from His sovereign, all-seeing eyes, but that did not turn Him away from them. He loved and stuck with the flawed ones. He loves and sticks with His flawed ones today… aka, me. Aka you. He is “slow to anger… abounding in steadfast love…” not wishing for any to perish, but for all to come to salvation.” 

We must remember the verse in Isaiah, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways” declares the LORD.

In another path of my thought, I want to relay Jesus’ immediacy. Mark’s favorite word in His gospel. We see in various experiences and moments throughout Scripture, we read that He “immediately” did this or that. “At once” this or that happened… “Immediately” the fever left her. Immediately, he could see. There are numerous experiences revealing the great power of God that spared people from years of “waiting” and years of “agony.”

 Although we get to believe God has the ability and the power to do whatever He pleases WHENEVER He please, we must also believe that He has the ability and power to love us through the waiting. To be with us even when we are convinced He is not. To reveal Himself to us slowly

The story of God is just that. A story. Who wants a brief, short story when you can have a beautiful, intricate, exhilarating, and captivating novel? 

I remember reading to my little brother Hayden when he was little. He would choose a book, normally the Bernstein bears or Franklin. I remember nights that I was really tired and would skip over certain pages due to my longing for sleep. I don’t know how he did it as a six year old, but he would know instantly that I skipped pages and would whine until I went back and reread the pages I skipped over. (Sorry Hay) ;D

For the most part, novels are not consistently thrilling. There are boring moments. Agonizing moments. Frustrating moments. Stupid mistakes. But He promises that everything is beautiful in it’s time. No one wants an ending without a storyline. No one truly wants an easy mountaintop that cost you nothing. The agonizing, exhausting journey to the summit leaves you satisfied and strengthened as you think of how hard it was to get to the top. Think of Frodo and Sam. How much sweeter was the Rivendale awakening when they pondered the hardship of Mordor.

It reminds me of a quote I once heard, “the bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower.” 

Be patient. He will always give us what we would have asked for if we knew all that He knows.

So… therefore… we can enjoy today. Enjoy the air in your lungs. Enjoy the food on your plate. Enjoy the coffee in your mug. Enjoy the sky. The texture of grass on your finger tips. The walk to dinner. The drive to the store. The conversation with a friend or stranger. The quietness of a still moment. Literally stop to smell flowers.

Press into the hurt… the pain… the wound. Don’t run. Believe He is present in it and is molding you… for “we are His workmanship.” Not His ramen noodles in the microwave of existence.

I think I could write for ages on this topic… only because it’s become one of my deepest struggles that I can only begin to “master” (if I can even use that word) by the Spirit of the living God in me.

Remember to think of eternity… ponder the significance of our labor in light of heaven and hell.

And TRUST Him, O soul. Trust Him O readers. Trust Him all peoples.

For the joy set before Him… 

For the joy set before us… we hope. We wait. For HIM.

Brazil - Week One

The disgruntled dog barking in the streets is echoing all the way to the tenth floor of my temporary Brasilian flat as my fingers click the keyboard. Cars zoom past the buildings planted along these streets like trees along a riverbank… but not as natural and serene of course, (we must go to the Amazon for that experience)… but I enjoy the white noise nonetheless.

Brasil and I have cultivated quite an exciting friendship for about 72 hours. I am loving the newness of the adventure: the breathtaking views from the sky, the myriad of beautifully colored buildings from below, monster rodents (aka capivara… look em up), flavorful foods, strange looking fruits that I can’t pronounce yet… but could beat up any fruit in America any day! #guaranteed. I have met people of peace and people of chaos. People that “compreende Inglês” (comprehend English), some that look at me funny and giggle, and some, like my house-mate Martha for example, who possess unceasing patience and quite a lot of giggles in hearing me try and pronounce Portuguese. But I get to find amusement in her speaking English in return. “Hannah, how do you know the difference in the pronunciation of skull and school? They sound the exact same to me!” –Martha ;)

Poverty and darkness are all around… from the dark souls of those in the airport and airplane and the bird’s eye view of the favelas, to the passing the homeless on the streets of Curitiba. It leads to the eagerness that is found in me at the thought of Monday. Although they have been going on for quite some time, Monday marks the beginning of the projects for me. I cannot wait to see the children and the families in each of Lionsraw’s locations where futbol, school, and building projects are taking place. I cannot wait to capture moments and memories that will outlive my two-month stay here… and that prayerfully will outlive me.

It is an honor and blessing to take part in the work that is occurring in Curitiba. It is motivational and breathtaking to know and behold the Spirit of Yahweh, the One dwelling in me, and to know He is here as we walk these streets and among these broken people (being broken people ourselves… we have a way to relate ;D ). His hand is in all of this as our team loves and serves the people of this nation in whatever way He leads us to in and in whatever opportunities He places in front of us. I love seeing Jesus in new ways here. It is beautiful to see that His love surpasses any continent, language barriers and cultural differences and I find hope in the promise of His word that people FOR God from EVERY tribe and language and people and nation will sing a new song to the Lamb. I take joy in the thought that I might get to play a small part in the fulfillment of this promise. He is so worthy of our worship and adoration.

Please pray for us as we begin the work we came here to do. Some dear friends have come along with me here and they are a wonderful encouragement to me. Pray that we will continue to be that for each other as we live life together in a new and exciting culture.

This week:

Pray that I will be wise like a serpent and innocent as a dove.

Pray that I will not allow documenting to get in the way of experiencing.

Pray that I would be disciplined in my duties and free in my delight and affections.

Pray that I would increase in knowledge and wisdom, as well as discernment and passion that would spur on my affections for my King.

Pray for His name to be hallowed in Curitiba!

(And if you can, pray as an army that Yahweh would miraculously place the rapid ability to learn and speak Portuguese in me ASAP por favor… He can do it… I believe) :D

to the ends of the earth,

-ht 

“Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents. This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God.”

-Philippians 1:27-28 

Take a Deep Breath

There are many things that have distracted me today. I’m not eager to write out what actually goes on inside me sometimes because I’d rather you all think highly of me instead of realizing I’m a human being. Nevertheless, here lies the struggle of Hannah on April 29, 2016 in effort to kill her pride. I hope it points you to Jesus!

Today, concerns flood through the corners of my heart like water shooting out of geyser. Upon the first few moments of waking, I am reminded of duties left undone, letters left unfinished, dreams that I have yet to match with action, stories I have yet to write, pictures left to edit, studies that need preparing, goals that need accomplishing, depths of my God to dive into, lessons that need some learning, ideas that need birthing… and the list goes on and on and on. Are you exhausted yet? In reading what I have just written, I can honestly say that each one of those categories have individually and obnoxiously knocked on the doors of my attention all morning long… and it’s only NOON for crying out loud. This doesn’t sit well with me… and I’m glad it doesn’t. This isn’t what I was created for. I don’t want to get comfortable with anxious and overwhelming thoughts… they are not welcome to make their home in me, yet they seem to always be trying take up residence. They strive to overtake every nook and cranny of my mind and cover all the windows and walls with their loud, obnoxious and unsettling decor. They remind me of the nasty Mucus on those Mucinex commercials. Loud and unkempt, fit for a home of a peasant, but rejected by a palace of royals.

Anxious thoughts can be likened to that Mucus man. They aren’t welcome, yet they exist to convince you that they belong. I’ve only just begun to experience this as I’ve entered the “real world” recently. Life has gotten busy, duties are piling up, to-do list is always growing, and soon enough, tranquility is squandered by anxiety. Anxiety about the past, anxiety about the future, anxiety about anxiety. (LOL. Isn’t it comical though?) Before you realize what is happening, the day is robbed by inward restlessness the cycle begins again when the morning comes. And little by little, perspective shrinks, imagination dies, the heart grows colder, and you replace the warmth, peace, freedom, friendship and Presence of the fierce and untamed Almighty God for a narrow, smelly, hurried, petty perspective of yourself. What an exchange, huh?! I can see the foolishness of it plain as day when I write it out, yet in the dark corners of my mind where the Tazmanian devil runs aloof if not resisted, the garden in my heart where Yahweh continually dwells seems clogged by twigs, leaves, and tumbleweeds; seemingly unattainable and unreachable. The intoxicating song of my Love is replaced by hundreds of other songs (that sound more like screamo), and I am given the choice of with whom I shall sing along.

It’s too easy to shout along with other songs! They are the loudest in all the world. Mainstream and familiar are they, but the tune isn’t pleasing to my ears. The song hummed by the Composer of the Universe, however… that’s the Song I want to sing along to. Immanuel is the Conductor I want to take my cues from. He tells you and me to fix our eyes on Him (Hebrews 3:1), to set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2), to keep our thoughts fixed on Him (Isaiah 26:3)… It seems He gives pretty clear instruction to us to spare us from the life would otherwise live. I’m frustrated that this blessed reality is just an afterthought at times! We have the greatest Gift fathomable, yet sometimes we allow the power of the awareness of this to be robbed by our busyness as well as our ache to accomplish and be accomplished. We forget our identity. We live from a place of “not yet” instead of “being HIS.” May it be increasingly difficult to forget that He is WITH US. And not simply (yet miraculously) with us, but He WANTS TO BE. HE delights to be near us. I think that is what changes things.

I am madly convinced that the more aware we are of His nearness, the more we supernaturally accept the reality that we “couldn’t be one bit better” in His eyes, the more we live from a place of indefatigable (<— click on it ;) ) adoring, divine love, the more the Kingdom will grow in our hearts and through our lives. Our responsibilities may increase, our to-do lists may be long, but the peace of God will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus and we will be filled to the brim with Life. We will wrestle to rest. We will cast our cares on Him because we know He cares for us. Our deepest longing is to be loved, and by His grace, we are loved by Him. I wish I could come up with the right words to replace the familiarity about that statement with the ferocious, outlandish, altogether transformational and wonderful truth that it is. I wish I could reignite the passion in your heart for the Living God. I cannot, but the Spirit can. Just ask Him to. He loves to turn His ears to us. He takes pleasure in satisfying our hunger with the finest of Food.

So breathe. Live in the world that is Yahweh. That is our goal for each moment.

A man I admire, by the name of Brother Lawrence once said, “The King, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastising me, embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands, gives me the key of His treasures; He converses and delights Himself with me incessantly, in a thousand and a thousand ways, and treats me in all respects as His favorite. It is thus I consider myself from time to time in His holy presence.”

The following verses are both Zephaniah 3:17 in different translations. (NLT + AMP). Meditate on this verse and let it pierce your heart in the best way.

“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.””

“The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing.”

Martha... I AM

“Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to Him, “Yes LORD; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.”’ John 11:21-29

I am often like Martha… I think I know the answer and I think there is another way/goal/solution to something in my life other than simply Jesus. I forget what happens when I put all my trust the weight of His words. I think I know how He will work and how He will conclude a scenario (Martha: “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day”). But Jesus Himself looks to His beloved Martha (who He knitted together in her mother’s womb btw…crazy) and said to her the two most powerful words in the history of the world.. “I AM… the resurrection AND the life…“

You don’t quite understand, Martha. I am enough. I am life. I am the one who restores to life what is dead. I am the one who makes possible what is impossible .. because if you believe in me you are never going to DIE…even if you die. You will live. In this life and the life to come. Do you believe this? Do you really actually believe this?

He is asking us too.

Martha responds with “Yes, LORD; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.” In saying this… she references Psalm 118:26: “Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD! We bless you from the house of the LORD.”

She needed to remind herself of what her soul knew to be true…. she had to take action herself to remind her soul of what she was existing for and where her hope was rooted. She was acting like a Pharisee in her acknowledgment of the resurrection and lack of faith in the Jesus in front of her (Acts 23:8). She was forgetting to rest and be united with Christ.

The I AM, the Eternal Deity, is in front of us asking if we believe that He is who He says He is… because if we truly believe it, we will not be spared from pain. We will not be spared from tears and rejection. We will not be spared from confusing and hurtful circumstances. We will not be taken away from situations that lead us into greater patience and trust in Jesus as He sovereignly orchestrates our lives according to His glory and pleasure and our good.

…And although we will not be spared from all of those discomforts, I think I have a greater glimpse of why He has chosen such a pattern for His friends and followers.

He wants us.

He wants us to see Him as He is… not as what we “think we know.” He wants us to experience life as He gives it… not life as we “think we know it.” He wants us to see life through death. and death through life (during this temporary stay in a country not our own). (ex: 1 Corinth 15:31; Mark 8:34-35, Gal 5:24, etc)

“Resurrection from the dead and genuine eternal life in fellowship with God are so closely tied to Jesus that they are embodied in him and can only be found in relationship to him.” The phrase, “believes in me” automatically implies a personal trust in Jesus and not a pharisaic outlook on religion or the ideas of God.

YHWH wants us to be in such close fellowship with Him that we break off our other patterns of thinking and begin to be “renewed in the spirit of [our] mind[s]” and put on the new self as a result of putting off the old self that is corrupt and stupid… (Ephesians 4). He wants us to take hold of the freedom of being His and transform our way of thinking and make use of having “the mind of Christ.” WHAT A GIFT.

He wants us to behold His glory and not the empty satisfaction of our manufactured circumstances.

“Did I not tell you, [Hannah], that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”

Life is so empty when Christ is not seen as glorious. Life is so empty when He is forgotten as Lord and is instead seen as our demanding and controlling slave master or boring duty. Life is so empty when we try and do life on our own… having the knowledge of Him but missing out and not comprehending what He means by saying “I AM….” There is so much more to His promises… so much more to His friendship… so much more to HIM.

Yes, He wants us. That is why He waited two extra days to go to Lazarus… “that they might believe” (John 11:15). He waited because of His love. He waited so He could use the situation (that seemed hopeless from worldly eyes) as a testament to His power and as a captivating model for how He pursues personal relationships with His disciples. He was willing to let them endure discomfort, pain, loss, impatience, confusion, irritations, and even death so He could give Himself the opportunity to display His irrational love and affection for His followers.

He calls us to Himself and He is relentless.

Despite our blame, pride, bewilderment, and even anger towards Jesus, He is so very patient with us. He is so very sympathetic (see verse 33 in John 11 for cryin out loud). He is so pleased to show us more of who He is and show us that He knows best… and above all else, to show us that He actually cares.. actually loves… actually knows what He is doing. He is offering Life to those who believe that’s who He is.

“Fear not, daughter of Zion; behold your king is coming, sitting on a donkey’s colt.” (PS: remember that this verse {which is also referencing the psalm Martha quoted from Psalm 118:26} which is a few verses down is saying that “the KING is coming… sitting on a donkey…” huh. a DONKEY y‘all.

We must wake up. He is trying to show everyone that He has come for THEM… for us… {heart, mind, soul, and strength}… not to conquer by force as earthly kings on fancy stallions would come.. no no. My Friend came on a donkey.. He came in captivating confidence. He is true religion… and He extinguishes my fears, doubts, worries, and distractions. How dare I look away from such a great GOD.

“Hosanna! Blessed is he who coms in the name of the LORD, even the King of Israel!“

May we forsake our old ways and BELIEVE HIM. and in doing so, may we love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, strength, mind, and may we love our neighbor as ourself.

Mikey Believes

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” [galatians 2:20]

Mikey believes. We rejoice!!!!!

He plays futsal with Thad. First heard about Jesus as he talked with Thad about him in Malta last year… (probably only a minutes away from the place Paul got bit by the snake in acts twenty eight). He has been hanging out with the last leg of #teambarnabas this week and taking part in #axiomuk. We have been holding Camp of Champions at preston park this week and each day between games, the young kids sit with their leaders and hear stories of Jesus. Mikey chose a group to sit with and listen in as the leaders from the short term mission team led their groups. Today was the last day of camp and the leaders asked the kids if anyone wanted to pray and accept the glorious love and grace of Jesus Christ and make Him Lord of their lives.

Mikey raised his hand.

At some point during the day, he wrote his name with His cross on our chalkboard.

The old mikey has gone. The new has come. I hear him outside my door as I type this. His journey of faith and love for Jesus will change the generations to come. (and prayerfully this entire nation will be changed as a ripple effect of his faithfulness to this glorious gospel that we live to proclaim)..

And it all starts today.

Blessed be the name of Yahweh

Plunge the Depths

If I plunge into the depths, must I hold my breath?

Must I hesitate and anxiously ponder my fate?

Can one possibly stand undecided and wait?

“Follow me.” You say simply enough

Release your hands from their worldly cuffs

“I never said I was safe, I never professed to be tame”

Could a tamed Man heal the crippled and lame?

Do you think so lowly of Me that you remain on the shore?

Basking in the sun and gazing at a distance, much too frightened to experience what’s more?

The sand will never satisfy you, the fickle tides only leave you dry

The Great Depths are where the adventures truly lie

You cannot be immersed when you long so desperately for ease

For pleasures, for comfort, for long life in the breeze

If only you knew what I have waiting for you out here!

Forsake your umbrellas, your beach towels, and your fear

Let My waves overtake you, let My vastness leave you in awe

There is no turning back now, for I have fulfilled the law

Why waste your days lying around in the sun and sand?

An ocean of abundant Life is for those who take Messiah’s hand

It will be scary at times and the waves will crash hard

Deceitful sharks lurk nearby and you must be on guard

But life in the depths is fullness indeed!

Leave the shore of safety, cross the sandbar and follow your King